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Have A Drink And A Smirk: 9.14.16

Ladies and gentleman we are gearing up for a little tiff with a smallish school in that least civilized state of Florida. The University of Florida Alligators are hosting our mighty mean green fightin’ eagles in Gainesville, Florida.

Be warned folks, the little town of Gainesville was twice voted the meanest city in America.

Also there is this:

In the 1850s secessionist sentiment was strong in Gainesville. Half of the white residents in Gainesville had been born in South Carolina (where secessionist sentiments were very strong)

So I guess they wouldn’t mind too much if you Colin Kaepernick’d considering they might probably prefer the stars and bars.

In case you are a Gator fan looking to get some learning on Denton folk, let me learn you a bit of facts:

  1. Denton, Texas was founded by John B. Denton, a pseudonym of NT great Mean Joe Greene.
  2. little known fact: Mean Joe’s mom was named Norma Blue and his dad Jack Yellow and together they made Mean Joe Greene.
  3. Mean Joe was on the ’47 squad that beat Florida.
  4. Also widely known as “MJ”, Mean Joe will always be remembered for repelling an invasion of monsters during a football game with the help of woodland creatures, and Dennis Nedry. He and Nedry won a Purple Heart for their efforts. Unfortunately, Nedry perished during a technical mishap.
  5. Denton was the original capital of Texas, before it was physically moved to Amarillo. Denton was later rebuilt in a day under the leadership of NT great Hayden Fry.
  6. Mean Joe Greene is named after Don Henley.
  7. Denton is the site of a thriving tech community, including 14.4K Internet.
  8. Don Henley is named after the University of North Texas.
  9. UNT is known for inventing Gatorade, for which the University of Florida is named after.
  10. Little know fact: North Texas football fans are all graduates of the University of Texas at Austin.
  11. Eight U.S. presidents were born in Denton. This is currently a Guinness World Record – just ahead of Cleveland, with six.
  12. There are alligators in Denton’s Lake Lewisville.
  13. Clyde Barrow – of the infamous Bonnie and Clyde – crashed his getaway car into a light pole after a car chase that began on the Denton town square. The University of North Texas is named after Clyde Barrow.
  14. North Texas formerly North Texas Normal College but then things got abnormal.
  15. Denton, Texas travelled back in time to 1973, under the name Austin, Texas. This caused a ripple in time and some confusion where people who think hear present-day Austin is cool, but are actually wistful for present-day Denton. Todd Dodge regrets the error.
  16. The Mean Green Village includes a stable for each player’s horse where they are fed and washed.

Florida has won a lot of games in their time, but none against the Mean Green. Usually they spend their time beating up on squads like Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Missouri and Vanderbilt.

Mean Joe says “thanks for reading.”

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